Not Bad.. Mr Vikash

Loneliness is a sin. It should never be thrust on anybody ever. Loneliness creates identity crisis. And this manifests itself in rampant exhibitionism. Like Mr Vikash has been doing. He has taken the concept of blowing one’s own trumpet to dizzying extremes. Obscene group mails detailing his minutest moves, rubbish comments on every issue being discussed on the board and silly yahoo status messages, he has done it all. He is going full throttle redeeming the lack of loquaciousness in the IIML GDs with a vengeance. In the process he has screwed up the concept called freedom of speech. And the intelligent guy that he is, he even doesn’t understand overt criticisms from the likes of Jayant. His latest yahoo status message reads “A bunglow in Singapore.. not bad Mr Vikash”..




A bunglow or not.. this statement certainly makes him worthy of adorning some space here in this blog.

Life's Like that

Around 2 weeks back I had offered my resignation and was persuaded away from my decision with luscious explanations from my manager. Last friday, we had a small get together of our project team for the occasion of Christmas . My manager happened to be there. Conversation ranged from nostalgic project pre-initiation days to wild plans for the new year.

An excerpt of the conversation:

Me(looking towards the sky): These donuts look really enticing.
XYZ(to the generic audience): Yeah, ABC kitna pasand karta tha donuts (XYZ and ABC are irrelevant names)
Audience: Laughter (All those who got the joke)
Manager(to me): This is something that you would have missed had you left ***** and joined some other company.
Me(wearing a shocked look): What? These donuts???
Manager+Audience: Silence

Then only I realized he meant the small reunions and jokes et al... Life's like that.

Forget It

Forgetting: Everyone forgets things now and then. Everyone gets moody. Forgetting is a part of life. Forgetting gives us extra space to remember more things. Sometimes not remembering is equally important. As sherlock holmes used to say "Whether the Earth goes around the Sun or the Sun around the earth makes not a penny-worth of difference to me or my work."

People many a times forget their keys, wallets, wives etc... When I used to forget my hmoework, my teacher would scream "Do you ever forget your lunchbox? hmmmm??? Then why did you forget your homework?" I am sure its the favourite dialog of all teachers at all schools and so you would also have heard the same one.

About a month back I happened to lock myself outside my house. The key was on a ring and although I usually remembered to pick it up, that particular day I forgot to take it. Once locked outside I started thinking what to do. My roommate who has the other pair of keys, was away at Pune on his weekly weekending visits to his girlfriend. To make sure that my luck indeed had run out, I tried calling him up. He was as much worried as I was and suggested me to go and fnid the houseowners house in Bandra and get the spare set of keys from him. The suggestion sounded foolproof in strategy but execution looked difficult.

I thought of getting a key maker / lock picker as a better idea. Searched for one and found a shop. The main lockpicker was down with fever and his younger brother was trying to do whatver he had learnt of the trade. It took him about an hour to make one key. Not for me, for another customer. I had to wait all the time. Then thankfully his brother came to work. I asked him to come with me and get my lock opened. He came with me after a lot of questioning, and showed his skills and lo my door was finally open after a long gruelling 3 hours in the sun and heat.

I learnt a lot about lock picking that day. He charged me Rs. 250 for this. I put the key along with my bike keys in one ring so that I wont forget it the next time.

Yesterday being a Sunday I had a friend come over to my place. We both went to the nearby temple. I was all the time proposing my theories of God being inside us and not in temples which went unheard. Finally on our return I found that I had made the mistake again. That whole day danced in front of my eyes. To add salt to the wound my friend started giving me advice on how to remember stuff, and be careful etc etc. I wish to God you are never placed in such a situation.
the mistake happened because the temple is nearby and I did not think it fit to take the bike. A stupid mistake really.

Anyways, had to go back and find another lockpicker. Thankfully with some able guidance I found one nearer to my place than the previous one. This guy said he will charge me Rs 150. I was happy at knowing the profit I was going to make. So we started on our journey to my place and after walking for sometime and climbing all the stairs in the world we finally reached what looked like my door. Though I can't be sure because I could hardly see with the sweat all over my eyes.

Thankfully the gentleman opened the lock and we again entered my room into the nice coolness of the fan.

I kept the new key in my wallet so that this kind ofthing never happens again.

Today morning I got ready for office and came down and was about to start my bike, when I realized I had forgotten the bike keys. Thankfully I had put the spare key in my wallet. I carelessly patted my buttocks for my wallet and guess what. It was not their either. I very conveniently manageed to lock myself outside for the third time consecutively in the shortest time possible.

Girl-Hunting

The following is the generic framework for decision making concerning marriages for choosing a girl

1. She should not prattle too much about her work in the initial discussions. The limit to it will be a function of your expectations regarding the professional orientation of the girl.
2. Even if her profile looks very much professional, but she makes it a point to discuss about your sister’s health, your allergies et al then she must be given a second thought. (She may not do it the first time, but as you move on she should be doing it.)
3. But if she does not look too aspiring but goes on blabbering about her work, her professional ambitions; allow her three tries. Try to move her out of it to areas you think you will like to be discussed after marriage. If she malfunctions; ditch it.
4. What is usually seen is, girls particularly with lesser brand of education will try to say that they want to do big things like someone had got this proposal from a girl who is with IBM in testing and validation, and she wanted to do an MS in Quality Management in USA and settle there. This should not act as an inhibitor. Girls do it to show that they have aspirations, which usually fizzle out once you start probing the veracity of such tall claims.
5. Try to show her all those difficulties that she will face if she decides for you. If she is still ok then you know she may be the one. ( Try this in mild proportion on the ones which are so beautiful that you are ok to put them in showcases, serve coffee in the morning and do a dedicated massage if she tells she has little body ache)
6. She should not be fat. There should not be any distant possibility that at least till the time you have your last kid; you will need to tell her that she might be looking a little fat.

Existence

Dad: You know something, I am, therefore you are.
Son: What?
Dad: You see had I not been there you would never have come to this world. Your existence depends on mine.
Son: Hmmmmm... Thanks Dad!!
.....
Son: You know dad, I am therefore you are.
Dad: How's that?
Son: If I do not exist and you do then right now this conversation is an imaginary one. Which implies that if I do not exist then you also do not exist.
Dad: It could very well be that, I exist, you dont, and this conversation is a part of my imagination alone.
Son: In that case your existence doesn't prove mine. Isn't it?
Dad: The existence I was talking about was physical. What you are talking about is meta-physical. Dont confuse yourself.
Son: mmmm... Maybe you are right. But if we do not exist metaphysically, then does physics exist at all? I mean without metaphysics how can we talk about physics? Isn't everything physical imaginary then?
Dad: Seems you have outgrown you age son. Take some rest. Go to sleep now.
Son: Dad, sometimes I wonder if all this is not a dream. I mean why do we exist if we do exist?
Dad: I can't answer that. Right now you must go to sleep. We will talk about this later.
Son: Ok dad!! Good night!!
......
Woman: Excuse me! Any idea which bus goes to Madhusudan Complex?
Man: You can take the B24. Infact I am also going to Madhusudan Complex.
Woman: Ohh great. Then would you be knowing where mmm the Cantron's office is?
Man: Yeah its in MAdhusudan complex itself. 3rd Floor I think. I will show you the place.
Woman: Thankyou so much! I was so worried. I have an interview and I have to reach there by 9.
Man: Dont worry you wont be late for your interview. Here comes the bus. Come...
......
Man: Hey!! Hi.... Remember me? We had met at the bus stop the other day.
Woman: How can I forget. You had helped me so much that day.
Man: So seems you got the job. How's it going?
Woman: Its good. I have even got a house for myself now.
Man: Oh is it. So you dont belong to this city then. Where are you from?
Woman: Me... I am from South India. Had never come to these northern parts. Its been quite a time.
Man: I know it must have been a difficult week for you. Hey what say, if you are free in the evening let me show you around.
Woman: That would be great! Give me your number, I will call you when I am ready to leave.
Man: Yeah its 654456. By the way my name is Samar. Whats yours?
Woman: Oh I am so sorry. I forgot. My name is Tania.
Samar: Ok Tania we meet in the evening then. Bye
Tania: Bye
.............